Dinosaurs R Us

Last week we took a brief look at the aging process, prompted by a recently published study which tried to pinpoint an age, a single, magical point in time, at which people no longer feel young.

This week, let’s pick up that thread and explore further what aging is really like, shall we? 

We’ve already established that it is more of a process that starts out slowly, creeping up on you subtly, by degrees, like a patch of crabgrass that slowly but surely subsumes your beautiful garden if left unattended.  But, whereas that crabgrass can be eliminated, no magic elixir has yet to be developed to halt the aging process, despite what you see in your social media feeds.

Hyaluronic acid and Botox only get you so far.

You’ll hear things like, age is just a number.  Aging is great, consider the alternative. Aging is part of a life well-lived.  Yes, all that is true.  But aging is also a b*^&.  And anyone who tries to sugarcoat that is lying.  Or in denial.  Or seriously self-medicating.  And whatever they’re having, I’d like some please.

How bad is aging you wonder?

If you read last week’s blog, you saw some of the ways the body and mind start to betray you.  I had called a meeting to address my aging 46 year old body’s betrayals. Here I am 14 years later. The meeting may have been adjourned, but I can tell you that not a one of those body parts took note on anything I said.  If anything, they got worse.

And since that time, more body parts have gotten in on the action.  For example, neck.  One day I had a normal neck.  Then, one day I did not.  I looked at myself in the mirror with horror.  What was all that sagging? That crepe-y, wrinkly skin?  Where did that come from?

And skin? Never anything to write home about from the get go, actually found a way to get worse. 14 years later and I’ve got barnacles.  Yes, barnacles.  The dermatologist said that with a straight face and then took a straight edge and sliced them off.  But they keep coming back, resurfacing at various other places on the face or body.

Aside from some of the physical and mental changes your body undergoes, there are other challenges that come with aging. 

For example: Aging in the Workplace.  What was that? A shudder down your spine?  Well it should my friend, well it should.  There are very few things scarier than Aging in the Workplace.

Ever hear that expression about boiling a frog in water by slowly turning up the temperature of the water such that the frog doesn’t know it’s getting hotter and hotter and then before you know it, it’s boiling and he’s dead?   That’s what it’s like aging in the workplace. 

One day you are sitting in a meeting, 15 or so of you gathered around a conference table and it hits you like the proverbial ton of bricks:  I am old enough to be their mother.  When did this happen?

Worse, is the realization that they are so much more tech savvy than you.  Accidentally hit a button on your laptop and your desktop disappears. Help! What did I do? How do I get it back? You feel so helpless. 

But fortunately, there are at least 20 kids under the age of 30 who can help you fix it.  The key here is to spread it around.  Don’t always go to one kid.  For one thing, they will quickly get annoyed with you and then start complaining to others how you don’t know anything.  Spread around your tech questions so as to give the illusion you do know how to operate your laptop, it’s just this ONE thing you are struggling with at the moment.

Another thing to avoid:  do not, repeat, do not make any references to what life was like in the workplace before the arrival of computers.  They will look at you like the dinosaur that you are, for they cannot even comprehend that there was a life at work, let alone life in general, without computers. 

Don’t talk about overhead projectors and how you had to type up your presentations on a typewriter (on a what?) and then copy them onto acetates  (onto what?) to be shown on the overhead projector (is that something like a smart board? No, no my child, it is not).

Email?  Do not tell them how, when the computer did make its first appearance into office life, there was only ONE computer for the whole office and you had to take turns using it for email.  And when you would print an email, it came out on perforated green bar paper.

Fax machines?  While some of them may be familiar with them since fax machines, while on the endangered species list, have not yet gone fully extinct, resist the urge to describe how the paper used to come out in an endless roll, like toilet paper vs. one page at a time.

The other bit of advice I can offer here is how to cover up for your lack of memory. 

It’s going to be a problem, I assure you.  You will forget what someone asked you to do, what conversation was had, what decisions were made, you will forget that something was due to someone, you will even forget that you had a meeting or call scheduled. 

What to do? Some are more easily covered up than others.  The forgotten meeting or call?  Easy.  I’m so sorry I missed that/or am late to it, but another priority came up that I had to address. 

When your coworker asks you, ‘Don’t you remember we talked about this?’   however, is a tougher one to handle. You can try the pause, act like you are thinking about it and then go, ‘Oh yes, yes I do!  Tell me where we landed on that again?’  It’s tricky, but if you are good at it, you can at least salvage it as a temporary blip. 

Ultimately, the best advice I can offer here is to write everything down.  Everything.  And even then, that’s no guarantee.

Aging.  Who said it’s not for the faint-hearted? Give that person some gingko-biloba, they got it right.  No studies needed.