Name Brands
Ernie and I were raised with two entirely different approaches to grocery shopping. His was Frugal Core. Mine was What’s A Coupon?
As you can imagine, these two diametrically opposed philosophies led to some clashes of epic proportions early on in our marriage.
The first time we went grocery shopping as a married couple and I picked up the Saran Wrap, he said, “What are you doing?”
I replied, “Picking up some Saran Wrap.”
He responded with, “Well, that brand costs a lot of money, and we don’t have a coupon. This store brand is just fine.”
I was aghast. Store brand? An off-label brand? Never have I ever!
I dug my heels in and proclaimed, “But the quality of this brand is so much better. That no name brand isn’t going to be any good.”
“It’s just plastic wrap,” he said. “It’s fine.”
We were in a head to head face-off. We wielded our boxes of plastic wrap, waving them at each other to punctuate our points, as if they were light sabers from Star Wars.
I honestly can’t remember which of us emerged victorious, but I can tell you that we only have Saran Wrap in the Lunghi household and have done so for as long as I can remember.
But with any relationship, there has to be some give and take. I got the Saran Wrap. He got the Scott’s toilet paper.
These days he gets the Scott toilet paper in bulk at Sam’s Club for a low price.
Scott toilet paper is the worst. Barely better than what you find in the bathrooms of Philadelphia Airport.
The Seinfeld episode where Elaine’s public bathroom stall was out of toilet paper and she begged the woman in the stall next to her, if she could “spare a square”, would never fly with Scott’s. One square doesn’t get the job done. More like 30 squares. And so, where’s the value in that?
So went my argument to him. Is it really a value if I have to use so much of it?
Something must have registered with him or else he felt a wave of magnanimity after nearly 37 years of marriage. A few weeks ago, he relented. We have now upgraded to…are you ready? TRIPLE-PLY!!!
But Ernie being Ernie, it’s still a store brand. The upgrade went from Scott’s single-ply to Sam’s Club triple-ply.
Hey, I’ll take what I can get. Give a little, get a little is one of the prescriptions for a long and happy marriage. Spare a square if you can. Just make sure it’s at least a triple-ply.