Aging, Chapter 952
Seriously?! I mean, here’s another one to add to the long list of the glories of aging.
But first, let’s start off with newborns. Cuddly, sweet newborns. We all know that lovely, fragrant smell of a newborn right? And I am not talking about any lotion or talcum powder (pre-knowing-it-can-cause-cancer era). The newborn baby him/herself has a natural pleasant smell.
It’s a real thing. Studied by scientists. It’s apparently a combination of chemicals from amniotic fluid, sweat glands, and vernix caseosa which is a waxy, white, cheese-like coating that covers a baby’s skin in the womb.
The smell is so nice. Maybe not as nice as a new car. But close. Scientists say the smell helps strengthen the bond between parent and baby. I mean, well, yeah. Evolution isn’t dumb. Bad smelling babies’ chances of survival probably would decrease significantly.
Once they start pooping and vomiting, the parents will have plenty of bad smells to contend with at that point. Gotta get that bond secure first to handle all the icky smells to come. And the teenage years. But let’s not jump that far ahead.
So sweet smelling newborn means stronger bond. One study found that 90% of women could identify their infant by scent within 10 minutes to an hour. Don’t know how that bodes for the babies of the other 10%.
The studies show that that newborn smell eventually fades, somewhere around six weeks of age.
And it’s all downhill, scent-wise after that. At the other end of the aging spectrum, starting in some cases as early as your 40’s, you develop what they call, “old people smell”.
It’s described as “A natural, harmless odor that’s associated with aging and is known as aging body odor. The skin’s omega-7 unsaturated fatty acids break down and are exposed to oxygen, creating a chemical compound called nonenal. Nonenal has a distinct, musty, grassy, greasy, or pungent odor.”
Ah. Eau de elderly. Who doesn’t relish smelling musty, grassy, greasy or pungent? Apparently, we leave behind this scent where ever we go- a taxi, an elevator, any confined space. The Japanese even have a word for it, kareishuu
This odor has also been compared to old book smell. Just in case musty, grassy, greasy and pungent weren’t bad enough.
Some theorize that this ability to recognize age by odor, which has also been observed in the animal world, is that “It might be a way to distinguish the sick from the healthy-not overt sickness, but underlying cell decay. The older we get, the more natural decay we have.”
So, in case you had any doubts about how glorious the aging process is, add eau de decay to the list.
How much time before we start to see a market for products targeting old people smell? I can see the commercial now. Your regular deodorant you’ve been using all your adult life suddenly not working for you as well as it used to? Is it failing to negate that musty, gassy, greasy, old book smell emanating from you? Don’t worry. It’s not your deodorant. It is you. You are decaying. You need the strength of our Anti-Aging line of products. Deodorant, lotion, body spray. We can’t promise you will smell like a newborn, but we can at least have you smelling like you are not one foot in the grave.
It turns out that there is a company, Lume, who has developed this line already. One of the headlines on their site reads, “Aging is inevitable; aging odor is optional with Lume.”
There you go. Problem-solved. I don’t know about you, but I will be buying their whole kit and kaboodle. Looks like Step 1 is the Right Cleanser. Step 2 is Senior Friendly Deodorant. And Step 3 is Dual Purpose Moisturizer.
I have no idea how much this all costs. But can you put a price tag on eliminating eau de decay? I think not my friend, I think not. No one ever said aging was easy. Or cheap.