OFF!

OMG, you guys.  It’s worse than the Zombie Apocolypse.  Well, you know, mostly because the Zombie Apocolypse is not real.  And this, my friends, very much is.

My social media news feed’s latest terror unleashed on unsuspecting me, is the “outbreak” of some deadly mosquito-borne disease currently hitting parts of New England.  Have you heard of it? The EEEV (Eastern Equine Encephalitis Virus).  As if the other mosquito-borne diseases weren’t bad enough, West Nile, dengue, malaria to name a few.  They are like a walk in the park, apparently, in comparison to EEEV.

To wit: The death rate is 30 to 50%.  If you are lucky enough to survive you will likely suffer permanent brain damage of some sort, paralysis, seizures and other such things. 

Now, the saving grace in all this is that it is rare.  Something like only 11 cases a year on average annually.  There are 330 million people in the US.  Now, for most people, that will put it all in perspective and have an immediate calming effect.  I, however, in this instance, am not like most people, much to my own detriment.

This is prime territory for my OCD/anxiety brain.  The OCD committee in my brain immediately goes to work, because it’s A Number One Job is keeping Mary safe.  Its radar is super honed to such a degree that it is capable of spotting the most miniscule of threats and elevating them to Def Con 1 (yes, Def Con 1 is the highest level, not 5 which is a little counterintuitive, I know).

Here’s what that looks like:

OCD Committee:  Mary, we have a high alert, high alert.  Incoming news feed indicates a very real threat lurking in your environment placing you at risk. This is a serious threat.  You must be protected at all costs.  Now, most of the cases for this virus are in New England.  But don’t be fooled or feel any sense of false security.  There has been one case in New York, and one in New Jersey too.  And well.  Pennsylvania is right next door.  So, you know.  It could be here in PA already for all we know.

Me:  Whoa there folks.  Slow down, slow down.  Let’s take a breather.  I mean, I know.  I read everything you did too.  But can we just focus for a minute on just how rare it is? I mean, it’s only 11 cases. 

OCD Committee:  Tell that to those 11 people.

Me:  Argh! Ok, well what you got?

OCD Committee:  Ok, we’ve pooled our thoughts and have come up with the following recommendation.  Stay home.  Just don’t go out at all after dusk.  That is the easiest, simplest, safest thing.

Me: You’ve got to be kidding me.  That’s your solution? For how long?

OCD Committee:  Until the first frost, which we looked up, in PA that is somewhere around October 20th.

Me:  Well, that is just not an option.  I am sorry.  If I do that, they will be coming for me with the straightjacket and escorting me right into a padded room.  There has to be another solution.

OCD Committee:  Well, we weren’t expecting this much resistance from you. We can see that your therapy is working.  We’ll have to work on that.  I suppose in the interim, there are a couple of other more reasonable solutions you might like.  But bear in mind, it’s gonna be a lesser of two evils choice for you.

Me: Ok, what is it?

OCD Committee:  DEET.  Now, again, we did our research.  We know you would prefer to not use whatever the heck DEET is.  In fact, we would prefer you not use DEET either.  But any other product out there that you would like to try to avoid DEET is just not going to work as well, except for one other which we will get to in a minute.

We considered it carefully though, and we realize that your parents slathered you in this stuff as a child, every summer, for many years.  And you survived.  No ill effects. So even though we still don’t know what DEET is we know what it is not.  It is not DDT.  There really isn’t a need to be afraid of it if you follow the directions carefully.  Whatever you do, don’t spray it in your eyes or mouth.  That will not be pleasant.  And don’t spray it on the skin under your clothes.  Something about increasing absorption if you do that.  And try to find a low DEET content one.  Like for kids. Somewhere around 25% DEET.

Me:  Wow.  You drive a hard bargain.  You are right.  I am not a fan of DEET.  But I am not locking myself at home for the next two months.  What’s the other product you looked at?

OCD Committee:  Picaridin.  Seems to work as good as DEET. It’s been in use in Europe and Australia since 1998. Only been in use in US since like 2004.  No  long term data on it as compared to DEET.  So.  Lesser of two evils choice: Neurotoxicity risks of DEET but knowing long term no ill effects? Or no short term neurotoxicity risks but who knows what happens 30 years from now?

Me: Hmm.  Ok. I guess there are no other solutions, right? I mean, I know about wearing long sleeves and pants.  I suppose I could do that.

OCD Committee:  We stand by our original recommendation.  Stay home.  Just until October 20th.

Me: But we have Phillies tickets for Friday night.

OCD Committee:  Watch it on tv.

Argh!!!  So yeah.  That’s how it goes.

I know this much.  I am going to the game Friday night.  Ranger Suarez, who I love and who has been out for so long now, is pitching.  I will root on my team on and I will have fun.  Unless they lose.  Which, lately, is a real possibility.  Then, that will not be as much fun.

What I don’t know yet is what I am wearing, both clothes-wise and chemical-wise.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, right? So maybe long-sleeves and pants if it’s not a hundred degrees out and a smattering of Picaridin? Not so much a concession really, as just common sense.

And with that the OCD committee is disbanded.  If only for now.  They have the smug, self-satisfaction of knowing they will be back for the next def-con 1 emergency which always seems to be right around the corner.