The Non-Verbal

First, some context.  Ernie (my husband) and I are walking our dogs through our neighborhood one day.  As we pass by various folks who are also out walking, I smile, wave, say hello.  What follows next is the exchange between me and Ernie.  Some of you will note the Seinfeldian-ness of the conversation.

Ernie:  You know, you don’t have to say hello to everyone we pass by.

Me:  But I am a friendly person and like saying hello to people and it would feel rude to not say hello.  These people are our neighbors even if we don’t know them.

Ernie:  Oh, I am not saying you shouldn’t greet them.  Just that you don’t have to say hello.

Me: (Puzzled look on my face). What do you mean? How do you greet them then?

Ernie: The non-verbal

Me: The non-verbal?

Ernie: Yes.  A head nod, a smile, a wave. Non-verbal.

Me: Oh.  Well, what are the guidelines here? When do you use a non-verbal vs a verbal?

Ernie:  That’s easy.  More than 3 ft away from you. They have their ear phones in. They are with another person/engaged in conversation.  Non-verbal.  Non-verbal. Non-verbal.

Me: So when do you get to use the verbal?

Ernie:  It’s pretty rare.  They have to be close to you, within 3 feet, alone, not on their phone.

With that, we pass a young-ish couple walking their dog, engaged in conversation.  A non-verbal situation per Ernie’s definition. Without a moment’s hesitation, I smile, wave and say hello.  They smile, wave and say hello back.  Non-verbal?  For the person, whose report card as a child came back nine times out of ten with the comment, “Mary talks too much”?  Not a chance.