Unwanted Guests, Part 2

They say the walls have ears.  In this case, I’d say they also have eyes, nose, mouth, and likely a tail.

Last week we talked about stinkbugs in the bathroom.  This week we are going to talk about something, as yet still unidentified, that was in the family room wall.

Like the stinkbugs who started moving in around mid to late fall, so too did something take up residence in the family room wall. 

What’s happening with animals and insects these days? Have they gotten soft?  Can’t take the outdoorsy-ness of their outdoor environment when the weather gets cold?  What would Darwin have to say about that as these animals and insects seeks the warmth and shelter of human homes?  What might the impact on evolution be?

I can’t say what that impact might be but I can tell you about the impact on me.  And it’s not good.

One night, cozily ensconced on our sofa beneath a warm, fuzzy blanket we heard this soft scratching noise.  It was around 9 or 10 pm.  Right when we would be going to bed, whatever it was, was not going to bed. 

We muted the tv as we weren’t even certain of what we heard and needed to get a better listen.

We sat there quietly, tv muted, and there it was again.  Just the softest of scratching noises.  It was in the wall where the fireplace is.

Ernie walked over and started banging on the wall.  I looked at him as if to say what are you doing? You think if you bang on the wall, they will dislike the noise and leave? What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Eviction by loud, banging noise?

My response?

“We gotta call pest control,” I exclaimed!

Ernie’s response?

“Nah.  It’s probably mice.  I’ll set some traps.”

I was not too confident that that would fix the problem, but ok.  Let’s give it a shot.

Ernie set some mousetraps.  He caught a mouse or two.

But nothing changed with the likely rodent residents occupying our wall.

At that point I started having PTSD and flashbacks.

Many years ago as we were getting ready for an outdoor party in the spring, we carried one of our outdoor dining tables to the spot in the yard where we were setting up the party. This table had spent the winter next to our shed, covered up.

This table was wood and it had a foldable/extendable option to it.  If you pull on the ends of the table, it opens up and extends for more seating.

We debated whether we should leave the table as is or extend it.  We decided to extend it.

Ernie and I stood at each end of the table and pulled to open it.

Suddenly, HUNDREDS of MICE came pouring out of the table.  Like a waterfall.  A waterfall of mice. This is not the kind of waterfall you ever want to experience.

However, at first they ran around bumping into each other within the space within the table.  They were stunned by the sudden burst of sunlight and loss of their cave-like dwelling. They were confused and didn’t know what was happening.

Then they decided they’d better get out of dodge and just started spilling out over the sides of the table and running rampantly through the yard in every direction.

THE HORROR!!!!

I screamed to wake the dead and ran so fast to the house praying I didn’t run into or step on one as I sought the sanctuary and safety of my home.

Ernie stood there, rather unfazed, and completely calm.

Eventually the mice ran so far in all directions that there were none left in the yard.

Ernie came into the house to tell me it was safe to go back out.

“Can you imagine if we had decided to not open the table, “ I asked?  “We’d have had guests sitting down to eat with a mouse colony sitting underneath their plates!”  I couldn’t even tolerate that image and was just so glad that scenario never happened. I was shaking just thinking about the fact that we had carried that mouse-infested table about thirty yards.

This was followed up with, “This table is done.  Let’s carry it to the curb.” 

Back to the unwanted guest in our wall.

“Ok,” I said to Ernie, “Can we call pest control now?”

“Not yet,” he responded.  “I want to see if I can find where and how they are getting in.”

Ok, so that was like November.  It’s now May.

He never found where or how, they or it, were or was, getting in.  If I had to guess it it’s either mice or a squirrel.  I tend to think squirrel because the scratching sound sounds like a single animal and not multiple ones.  But who knows?

And most nights, for the whole winter and early spring, we listened to whatever it was scratch around in the wall, always the same time, after 9 pm.

The good news is, like the stinkbugs, now that the weather has warmed up, whatever it was, has left. 

I don’t even want to think about what the inside of that wall looks like. 

I promise you this.  Should the unwanted guest decide to move back in come fall, there will be no discussion about setting traps or looking for entry points. 

I will be dialing 1-800-PESTCONTROL.

And quite possibly, 1-800-PTSDTHERAPY.

And quite possibly, listing the house for sale.  In the spring.  After all freeloaders have left. 

And when they ask who lives here, my answer will be, “Just a couple of empty nests, er, nesters.”

And that would not be completely untrue….